Today something completely different from the usual gameplay of The legend of Zelda – Breath of the Wild. We present you The legend of Keg. Or in other words: Barrels are actually quite useful in the game.
Today I found a barrel in the fields South of Hyrule Castle. I wanted to hunt down one of the memories, but I am rather useless in stealth, until I came across this barrel. Of course, my husband was laughing at me telling me my idea would never work. The guardians would literally destroy me, he said. Little did we know that my crazy idea actually paid off. While I used this little trick, the Keg told me one crazy story. This is how the new legend is born. I present you: The Legend of Keg – Barrel of the Wild.
Deep in the wine cellar of Hyrule Castle, The Legendary Keg finally awakens from his deep slumber. He was captured by Ganon’s evil men and got ‘kegged out’ on the cold floor of the wine cellar. Finally woken up, he has one mission: safely escape the castle and get back to Kakariko Village, back to his children and his lovely wife. But there was one main danger, the Guardians with their fiery weapon that can annihilate you in mere seconds. Our brave hero ‘Keg von Kakariko’ is on his way. It’s a woody mission! He managed to escape Ganon Calamities’ grip and is now traveling through the lands outside the Castle, sneaking past the Guardians. Will he survive or will he end up as fire wood?
To properly sneak past, he seeks cover in the nearby Forest.
As you can see in this picture, a Guardian is rather curious about his round, cylinder shaped wooden existence.
In shock, Keg von Kakariko quickly stops moving, hoping the overgrown spider like ‘Dalek’ would leave him alone. Unfortunately, the Guardian had to run towards him. He heard the battle music already and feared the worst. “I am going to end up as burned firewood!”.
To his surprise, the jackass ran literally up to him, looking at him like he was a boring pile of fire wood. After a good 10 seconds, the Guardian finally turned away, minding its own boring existence of guarding Hyrule Castle, while ‘Keg von Kakariko’ was left alone alive. He sighed out of relieve “That was close to my woodhood”, and so he traveled onwards, saying “My legacy awaits!”.
Leaving the fountain behind, he walks through the open fields and sees two more Guardians looking in his direction. His woody heart bonk is rising to a serious drum, knocking against his wood. To his horror yet again the music starts to play and the red lazer is aiming right at him.
“My fault..!”, he yammered, “I didn’t stand still…”. He quickly hid behind a tree. He knew that would do little, but he tried it anyway. Mr ‘wannabe Dalek’ is locked and loaded and ready to claim his next victim to become a pile of burned firewood.
He stood still as a wooden block and cried silently. Flashes of memories came through his mind: of his children, the mini beer kegs and of his lovely wife the wine bottle. He said his prayers to the Mighty Beer Keg God, awaiting that final blaze of fire, the wood blowing doom.
But… to his surprise, nothing happened. Well, nothing… The guardian STEPPED ON HIM! Yes you heard that correctly! He stepped on him in a rather rude fashion. The Guardian was stepping on him, as if he was a dog turd lying in The Fields of Hyrule. After a tap dance of this mean Guardian and a final glare at possible eyes, he was free to go.
Shocked of what just happened and feeling abused by a stinking Guardian foot, he gathered his courage and moved on. His first destination, the stables just outside the danger zone!
After a tiring blood sweating adventure, he finally made it safely to the stables. The people were looking weirdly at him, but too shocked about his sudden appearance, unable to speak to the Mighty Keg! He walked into the inn, minding his own business and hoping they would offer him a nice soft bed. Unfortunately, not one of the beds was strong enough to support the Mighty Keg. He had to sleep while standing on the ground. One person even tried to tap beer from him! He said: “Stop it! This is keg discrimination!”
Finally, he could sink his wooden bottom onto the beautiful hard floor of the Inn and take his well deserved nap. That day he did something incredible. He escaped Hyrule Castle, Ganon Calamities’ Grip and he survived the horrible Guardians, also known as overgrown spider ‘Daleks’. From that time on, they called him ‘Keg – The Hard Wooded’!
Of course, next day things were much easier. With refreshed energy and cover protection and without much more delay he could finally reunite with his lovely wife and kids and live a happy life.
My point of this story was simple. When Link hides in a barrel, even the Guardians will leave you alone. Another reason why this game is really frigging awesome!
The Game Mistress